Simon, 55 years old, has lived locally in Chertsey, Slough and now Stoke Poges all his life. Simon met his life partner Kevin, who was originally from Lancashire, in 1998 at a local pub where their eyes locked. It was instant attraction, and they were always together from that moment on.
Sadly, Kevin suddenly passed away in 2019. Simon shares their story.
“Kevin was my life companion and we were together for 21 years.
“He was very healthy and although he had a heart arrhythmia no one thought anything of that, we were just living our lives. In fact, Kevin had been signed off by the consultant in 2015 as not needing further care. Kevin certainly didn’t seem worried about it.
“One evening in 2019 Kevin went out for a stroll and he just didn’t come back.
“I waited alone all night not knowing where he was, why he had not come back. I finally called the police early the next morning to see if he had been involved in a car crash, no answers. I had no answer from his phone so I went to where I knew he liked to walk and saw his car parked up. There was also a rapid response ambulance vehicle there… it’s all a bit foggy in my mind after that.
“I was not allowed to go where Kevin was and suddenly six police cars turned up and I was asked to go and speak to the police. At some later point I was informed, it was suspected that Kevin had been murdered, as there was some blood on the back of his head, presumably I was a suspect? Finally, following a post mortem, the police were able to work out that it was his heart that failed and he had hit his head when he collapsed and died.
“Sudden death is often said to be the best way to die, but hardest for the bereaved and those left behind, the shock and suddenness is so hard. No time to say goodbye. Kevin’s mother had just been diagnosed with cancer and I had to call Kevin’s brother to let her know the terrible news that her eldest son had died. She called me straight away and said ‘How are you?’. She then died only 5 months after Kevin, but at home with the services of her local hospice and district nurses. I was there with Kevin’s brother and his family and I have to say to die in the ‘comfort’ of your own home with your family around you – for me was very warming."
“My doctor’s realised how much I was suffering after Kevin’s death; I didn’t understand how he could have died if his condition was under control with regular reviews by the doctor. They referred me for counselling help from Thames Hospice in February 2020, just before lockdown.
“Talking really helps me and I’m lucky I can talk openly. When I turned up to that first session with Jackie, before she shut the door, I just burst into tears. Jackie asked ‘why did you cry?’, I said because the only reason I am here is because he is not. It was the realisation that he was not there.
“The counselling from Jackie was very personal and easy and the trust was there from the beginning. It was a great way to let out your thoughts and worries so they don’t build up. It’s also a two-way thing with Jackie making some helpful suggestions and linked things I had previously said in an earlier session to try and explain my thoughts/feelings which weren’t perhaps obvious to me.
“As I had already met Jackie in person, it was easy for me to continue counselling on the phone during lockdown. It must have been so hard for people who lost their loved ones during the pandemic, as I found going to the Hospice and being with Jackie so helpful. During that time, I realised that doing things that are good for me and help me feel good is a very important part of dealing with grief, similarly knowing and therefore avoiding what doesn’t make you feel good. It’s only when I look back on my counselling I realise how much I appreciated that time with Jackie.”
In memory of Kevin, Simon set up a Muchloved Tribute page - a dedicated online memorial space for friends and family to share memories and stories, light virtual candles, add photos and music, and make donations to charity.
Simon says: “I find this tribute page hugely consoling so I can see memories of Kevin and things that people say about him. It is a great way to remember Kevin and a place I can and do return to again and again. I feel it’s my link to him.
“Thames Hospice came into my life when I was at my lowest and though I still miss Kevin so much, I now have some tools to help cope with all that losing Kevin has brought”.
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