Herby's Story
The first time something seemed wrong was on holiday in Cyprus when Herby noticed flashing in his eyes. A week later he collapsed and was rushed to hospital. An MRI showed a brain tumour and he was given 12 months to live.
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- Herby's Story
Herby was a wonderful husband to his wife Kirsty, an incredible stepfather and a doting grandad. He loved his life including his job at Heathrow Airport, but most of all he lived to spend time with his family and friends. The life and soul of the party – he was always on the dance floor, especially when Wham played! Every Sunday in the summer he would host his family for a BBQ and was always coming up with games and challenges to entertain his grandchildren.
Following his diagnosis, over the next year Herby was in and out of hospital. His wife Kirsty cared for him at home and was so grateful when Thames Hospice became involved in their care. Kirsty often called the Hospice’s 24-hour phone line for advice and support and the Hospice at Home Team would come out to give pain relief for Herby and emotional support for Kirsty.
In September 2023 Herby had a big seizure and the hospital thought he wouldn’t last the night. Herby fought on but he never fully came back from it. When he was discharged, Nathan from Thames Hospice called and arranged to meet Kirsty and Herby at their house. Once again Herby was able to access vital care from the Hospice at Home Team Nathan or his colleague Nicky visited every day, and a doctor would come every week. “Everyone was wonderful. Nathan had a way with Herby, whose behaviour had become really challenging as he was still quite mobile but didn’t make much sense. He still thought he could do everything. I’d often call Nathan in tears. At one point I was really struggling and Nathan came straight away and helped to calm me down.”
The tumour had caused Herby’s personality to change – it just wasn’t him anymore. He became so demanding. “Being at home with Herby was so hard. Looking back, I just don’t know how I did it. The steroids had caused him to put on so much weight, I just couldn’t support him anymore and I was so scared for his safety as he would try to move furniture around and escape the house.”
Herby was initially taken to hospital for treatment, but Kirsty pushed for him to come to Thames Hospice because she had felt so supported by the Hospice at Home Team. In the hospital Kirsty couldn’t stay with him all the time which Herby found distressing. “When we arrived at Thames Hospice it was such a relief. I could focus on being his wife again rather than his carer as he was in such good hands. They made up a bed for me and in the evenings, I would sit in the nurses station and chat with them whilst they hugged and comforted me - it was like being with friends.”
Herby had so wanted to be at home and Kirsty and the Hospice at Home Team kept him there for as long as possible. But in the end, being at the Hospice was the best place for him. Kirsty could come and go as she pleased and the grandchildren could visit – they jumped into bed with him for a cuddle.
“I couldn’t fault anyone at the Hospice – there was literally no limit to what they would do for us. The way the nurses spoke to us was so calming. I don’t know how they do that job.”
Herby passed away peacefully, surrounded by his family. "I'll forever be grateful for the care and support provided by Thames Hospice," she expresses. "They made a significant difference in our lives during the most difficult time."
Will you give a gift today to help us care for more families like Herby and Kirsty’s this Christmas? Click hear to watch Herby's video and donate to our Hospice Stars Appeal.
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