A father's love, a lifetime of service and one very special dance

A significant part of Sonia's work has been supporting Roger's eldest daughter, Rebecca, who has made the decision to take on responsibility for her younger siblings.

“She's an incredible young woman,” says Roger. “She's far stronger and better than me, honestly. I'm very proud of her.”

Sonia has worked alongside Rebecca, Roger and the younger children, helping them understand his diagnosis, navigate the changes they are facing and talk about what the future might look like.

This has involved working closely with schools, social services, Army welfare, the Hospice's Hospice at Home team and other healthcare professionals.

“It's really important that we listen to what they want, don't take over and guide them when they need more information,” says Sonia. “We let them lead wherever possible.”

As Roger's needs changed, he and his family began to consider hospice care. Like many people, they initially had reservations about what coming to a hospice would mean.

Sonia arranged a visit, giving Roger and Rebecca the opportunity to look around, meet people and ask questions before making any decisions.

Roger remembers how much this helped.

“I was very reluctant at the beginning. But nothing was pushed. They took the time to explain everything, show us the different areas and let the children see what it was like.

“It felt peaceful. It didn't feel awkward. They just took everything step by step.”

Now receiving inpatient care at Thames Hospice, Roger describes the difference that having a team around him has made, not just for him but for his whole family.

He particularly values knowing that his family can visit, spend time together and feel at home. There are spaces where the children can relax, watch a film and simply enjoy being together. Family members travelling from further afield can also stay overnight.

“The support isn’t just about me. It’s the entire family,” he says.

A dance to remember

One of the most special moments in Roger's time at the Hospice happened recently, when he was able to fulfil something that had been weighing heavily on his mind.

Just over a year ago, Roger had the honour of walking his eldest daughter down the aisle on her wedding day, wearing his military uniform for what he knew would be the last time.

But the day had taken a huge amount out of him. He hadn't been able to stay on his feet long enough to share the traditional father-daughter first dance.

“It almost tortured me that I never managed to do it,” he says. “It was something that had been bothering me all this time.”

He shared his wish with Sonia, and together with Lauren from the Hospice's Pastoral Care team, they began planning something special.

In the Hospice's Sanctuary, overlooking Bray Lake, Roger was reunited with the people closest to him for a family gathering. After building up his strength with support from the Hospice’s Physiotherapists, he was able to walk and share that dance with Rebecca.

And the song? A Mamma Mia favourite!

“It was just to be able to fulfil something in my mind that had been bothering me all this time,” says Roger.

Sonia adds, “He was so determined that this was one of his goals. We were able to facilitate a lovely family gathering, and he did indeed achieve that father-daughter dance. There were lots of tears, but he was so happy that he'd done it.”

For Lauren, who works in the Hospice's Pastoral Care team, the afternoon was another example of why understanding what matters to each individual is so important.

“Alongside helping Roger capture memories for his family, I was able to work with Sonia to arrange a very special afternoon for him and his family in the Sanctuary. It was a joy to be part of, and to meet family members and hear more of Roger's stories.

“Sometimes it's about creating those extra precious moments and memories for families.”

Making every moment count

Lauren has also spent time with Roger listening to stories from his childhood, his parents, his time in the Army Cadets and his career in bomb disposal. Together, they have been capturing memories and stories that Roger wants his family to have in the years ahead.

“He has incredible stories, and he doesn’t want them to be forgotten,” she explains. “I hope they will bring his family moments of laughter, joy and everlasting fond memories. It really is a privilege to be part of his journey”

For Roger, these opportunities to spend time with his children, share stories and look out across Bray Lake from the Hospice are invaluable.

“It's given me time to see my children. They've given me that time to spend those moments with them.

“Building memories is something they've offered, and it's been something else to be able to just sit there and look at them.”

He is also keen to challenge some of the misconceptions people might have about hospice care, particularly the fear that accepting support means giving up control.

“It's never pushed in one direction, saying this is the only way to do it. They open the doors and explain what is available, and you decide what you're comfortable with.

“It allows you to make a true decision.”

And his advice to anyone who might be unsure about hospice care?

“Take that time. Get the information. I wish I'd been able to spend that time understanding it earlier. The initial fears can hold you back, but it really does make a difference.”

This Armistice Day, as we remember those who have served and reflect on the lives behind the uniform, Roger's story reminds us of the importance of family, connection and making time for the moments that matter.

For Roger, one of those moments was a dance with his daughter. A moment that, with a little help, became a memory his family will carry with them forever.